I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
