Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just google imaged poop.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
