Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
