so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
