we have pet lesbian snakes
your room smells of hookers.
And success
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
