Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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