I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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