This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
