I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
