i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
