I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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