i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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