That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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