I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
