The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
