I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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