peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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