I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize