respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you win again, gameday.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
