living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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