The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
