I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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