OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
