i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
