go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
