Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
