doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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