Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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