I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
