is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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