I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
