I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you win again, gameday.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
