Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
