and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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