You're so nebulous sometimes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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