I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We're too hungover to prance.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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