Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
