Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
its liver damage thursday
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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