I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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