good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
