she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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