Just fell off a train. Bad.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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