If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
