Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
