Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
