Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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