Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
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I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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