I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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