Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
