so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The struggles of a small town man whore
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
