there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
