I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
