I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
