i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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