my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
