OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
