so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
