my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
