I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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