You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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