MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's blow job season.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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