I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My cat gives me a boner
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Randomize
