Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
