It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
