I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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