her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he thought i was a dude.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
